Breaking Free from the Control Trap: Finding Peace in Recovery's Greatest Challenge
How acknowledging our powerlessness can lead to unexpected freedom
The Serenity Prayer serves as more than just a prayer for me—it's a meditation, a daily reminder of life's fundamental truths:
"Grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference"
A friend in recovery, Jim, always adds afterward, "And that's the hard part." His words resonate deeply because while understanding the concept of acceptance is straightforward, discerning what we can and cannot control presents our greatest challenge in recovery.
Unlike many in recovery, my struggle isn't with being a control enthusiast. Instead, I grapple with anxiety over what lies beyond my control. Life often feels like riding a raft on unpredictable waters—I'm not steering, just traveling toward an unknown destination. Will it be safe harbor or jagged rocks? My mind invariably assumes the latter.
This anxiety intertwines with the deeply ingrained American belief in self-reliance—the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality. This mindset suggests that any shortcoming results from insufficient effort: if my career doesn't match my peers', if my savings can't cover unexpected repairs, if my health isn't perfect—it must be my fault. This thinking created a perfect storm that led me to seek solace in alcohol, attempting to numb the crushing weight of perceived personal failure.
The concept of fairness particularly challenges my serenity. Whether it's government decisions, workplace dynamics, or personal disappointments, perceived injustice can trigger intense emotional responses. Looking back, I now recognize how often I used alcohol to medicate the pain of life's inherent unfairness rather than developing healthier coping mechanisms.
This journey of acceptance raises important questions: How do we balance faith in a higher power with personal responsibility? When does acceptance become passive resignation? As I write this, I realize how often I overcomplicate these questions. Perhaps the real wisdom lies in knowing when to act and when to simply be present.
In next week's newsletter, I'll share a recent breakthrough regarding trauma's role in my recovery journey. This revelation has helped me understand why I've always felt like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I look forward to sharing these insights with you.
Creating this newsletter, along with our podcast and social media content, serves as a crucial part of my recovery. While I hope these words resonate with and help others, I must acknowledge that they primarily help me maintain my sobriety. As we learn in recovery, we must secure our own oxygen masks before helping others.
I invite you to listen to this week's Sober Friends podcast episode, where Steve and I discuss these themes in depth. More importantly, I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences with control issues in recovery. How do you navigate this challenge? Like and leave comments below. Even better, would you mind sharing this newsletter with a friend?