Burnout, Bills and Staying Sober Anyway
Being sober doesn't mean life becomes perfect. It means you have the tools to get through it without a drink
Writing this article is a long time coming. The burnout and anxiety I’ve been experiencing has been incredible. I want to share my experience and also give you some hope. We all get to this place and we are not failing. If we are sober and willing to do the next right thing, we get back up and go forward.
Burnout and Weather
I have two Substacks I write, this one and another on Gen X nostalgia. I have not written for either in two weeks and I’ve barely been able to get my shit together to even podcast. I just don’t feel like I’ve had the energy and it’s felt like a grind.
What I’m dealing with is both mundane and stressing. With the mundane is the weather that can affect my mental health. In New England, we’ve alternated between cloudy, cold, rainy and then oppressively humid. When it’s outside of the perfect low humidity weather, I have a tough time. I have an especially difficult time when it’s cloudy, like it is right now as I’m writing you.
The Weight Loss Journey
I spoke on the podcast last week about my weight loss journey and looking for help in the form of GLP-1 drugs, like Wegovy. I’ve learned a lot in recovery and one of the most important tools I’ve learned is to ask for help. I’m 6’2”. Over the past year, my weight has dropped from 287 to 249 points last fall, but has since crept back up to 270. I haven’t hit my high water mark, but I’m going the wrong way. I’m really tired of the struggle and asked my doctor for help in the form of Wegovy.
If you don’t know, Wegovy is a form of Semaglutide, first used as a diabetes drug. For diabetics, the drug is called Ozempic. There is another similar drug tirzepatide sold as a diabetic drug as Monjaro and as a weight loss drug Zepbound. It was discovered these GLP-1 drugs also have a side effect of slowing down digestion causing you to eat less. I’ve heard it described as noise cancelling headphones for your food thoughts. GLP-1 drugs also hold promise for addiction, quieting the desire to drink or use. I am a proponent of using the right medicine to jump start an addicts recover paired with a rehab program.
They are also extraordinarily expensive. Out of pocket, they are about $1,500 a month. With my insurance, I can get Wegovy for $50 a month. It’s hard to qualify and I do. I’ve been working with my doctor on weight for over 6 month, the drug will be used in conjunction with a reduced calorie diet and increased exercise and my BMI is above 30.
My stressor is that I’m getting rejections because my doctor’s office won’t give insurance the right docs they need, so I’m going back and forth with both.
The back and forth with insurance has been exhausting.
Financial Stress and Family Life
On top of that, youth sports have become a serious financial strain. If you’re a parent, you probably know what I mean. It feels like every tournament, uniform, and hotel stay comes with a hefty price tag. Sometimes I joke that youth sports are the most organized hustle out there. It’s a lot and it adds up fast.
We’ve had to spend money on travel for a soccer tournament this weekend and we are required to stay at the most expensive place. First week of July, we are flying to Orlando for a week for my son’s volleyball tournament. It’s a Nationals tournament, so it’s a big deal.
I’m lucky that we can get together the money to pay for this, but it’s a lot of money and we are stretched tight. Money is my greatest stressor and fear that I found in my 4th step.
Less stressing is an injury to my 11 year old daughter. She was playing in the driveway, doing a TikTok, jumping up and down and injuring her knee. It looked like the top of her leg went one way and the bottom another. She’s been unable to put weight on the knee since Friday. I was able to take her to urgent care and we have an appointment at our local Children’s hospital on Thursday.
You’d think this would stress me out, but this is the one where I’m putting it in my higher power’s hands. I have no control over her getting injured. Kids get hurt and this was a freak thing. If she needs surgery, we have insurance and at 11 years old, she will recover quickly. My daughter noticed and thanked me for not hovering.
Letting Go and Trusting the Process
That’s the ah-ha moment for me. I’m taking too much back into my hands and not putting it into a higher power’s hands. Although I don’t believe in God traditionally, I understand the principle that I can’t have control over everything. There is lots outside of my control and when I try to take it back, I am miserable. I don’t have faith that things will work out for the best and to be patient long term.
So if I don’t get the meds, another solution will pop up. I just can’t give up. For our trips, they are paid for, so why not enjoy the moments? We were forced into a travel vacation, something we never do. I can accept my daughter’s injury and that’s more impactful than the other issues.
You know what else I need to do? I need to reach out to my recovery buddies. I isolate myself. This is no good. So I’m going to work to making connections with others so my friends can help me reset.
Writing is hard. This is not an easy substack to write and yet I feel better. I hope you feel as helped as you reading this helped me.
What do you do when stressed, burnt out or out of control? How do you stay sober in times like this? I’d love to see your thoughts in the comments below.