Finding Your Higher Power: A Personal Journey Beyond Traditional Faith
How one recovering alcoholic reconciles atheism, spirituality, and AA's framework
When I announced my participation in this year's Joe and Charlie study sessions, many of you expressed interest in my experience. These sessions, typically gender-specific gatherings in someone's home, feature recordings of Big Book studies led by Charlie P and Joe McQ (later Joe McC). Their approach has helped countless individuals better understand the Big Book's teachings, particularly at the start of a new year.
Recently, during our study of the "We Agnostics" chapter, something caught my attention that I hadn't noticed before. Charlie made an assertion that gave me pause: very few people come to Alcoholics Anonymous as true atheists. He suggested that most who claim not to believe in God are actually agnostics, arguing that since self-will and self-knowledge alone cannot achieve sobriety, a higher power is necessary. His conclusion? The unbeliever must be agnostic, simply waiting to invite God into their life.
This perspective, while well-intentioned, troubled me deeply. While I deeply value Joe and Charlie's work—and I want to emphasize that I'm highlighting just one point of disagreement—this stance seems to contradict one of AA's fundamental principles: "Why not find a concept of Higher Power of your own understanding?"
As someone who no longer embraces traditional church theology, this hits close to home. My background includes a Roman Catholic upbringing and religious studies at a Christian Brothers college, where I learned about biblical construction. This education taught me that while religious texts and doctrines were written by humans, faith teaches they were divinely inspired.
Let me share what "higher power" means to me. Rather than the Holy Trinity or the promise of eternal life, I experience it as an energy force—one that becomes palpable in the presence of others and noticeably absent in isolation. Recently, I witnessed this contrast during two hotel stays. In bustling Lancaster, PA, during my son's volleyball tournament, I felt surrounded by a loving energy. Contrast this with a previous stay in virtually empty Manheim, PA, where that energy was conspicuously absent.
My higher power encompasses the fundamental forces of our universe: gravity keeping planets in orbit, the cosmic collision that created our moon, and the tides that may have sparked life itself. When I'm at my favorite beach in Wakefield, RI, I feel a profound peace that I can't find elsewhere. These forces—from gentle waves to cosmic events—exist beyond my control or full understanding. When I find myself wrestling with self-will, I reflect on these energies and astronomical forces, using them as guidance to check my path.
Whether you find salvation in Jesus, follow Jewish or Islamic traditions, embrace Eastern philosophies, or walk a different path entirely, I believe we're all observing the same mountain from different vantage points. Our descriptions may seem contradictory, but they stem from our unique perspectives. I respect your beliefs and remain open to the possibility that my understanding may be incomplete.
This reflection was sparked by just one segment of a Joe and Charlie session, but it raises important questions about the nature of faith and recovery. For a deeper dive into this topic, tune into this week's Sober Friends podcast [link].
I invite you to share your thoughts in the comments below. Do you agree? Disagree? Let's start a conversation about how we each understand and connect with our higher power.
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