I Almost Got Sake-Bombed at Hibachi
Staying sober means being ready when alcohol sneaks up on you—sometimes with fire and shrimp
I was at a Hibachi for my daughter’s 13th birthday. It’s what she wanted for her birthday. She wanted the full show—fire, flipping, and food tossed into our mouths. Suddenly, the chef said to me, over the noise of the crowd, his thick accent cutting through:
“Sake?”
I need a moment to clarify what he was saying and it would have been easy to just act reflexively and open my mouth. But I had enough wits about me to think and say, “no thank you!” I’m glad I did because he made a second pass.
I’ve learned so much about life and living in recovery, more than how to stay sober and one of the greatest lessons is this:
Be on guard for the unguarded moment.
We live in an alcohol drenched world. It’s not the job of society to bend to our sobriety. We have to make peace that This Bud’s for Them and not for you. Hibachi’s are especially soaked in alcohol. It seemed to me that everyone was hammered at the table. If you want to get sober, you have to get comfortable being around booze.
The Meatball Incident
Part of getting comfortable with booze being around is to be on guard for the unguarded moment. I’ll tell you a story that makes me think about this. A guy I know from the rooms once shared a Christmas story that stuck with me. They had a pot luck out and he grabbed some food. One of the things he popped in his mouth was a meatball and immediately could tell it was drenched in whiskey. He panicked and ran into an office and called his sponsor. He was terrified he just broke his sobriety. His sponsor told him, ‘You didn’t relapse—unless you went back for a second meatball.
Lessons from Seinfeld
Seinfeld handled this issue amazingly well, though for comic effect. Elaine’s boyfriend is in recovery and he has a glass of cranberry juice. Jerry is asked to “hold” Elaine’s cranberry and vodka and of course, Jerry can’t be bothered to be careful. Elaine’s boyfriend grabs the wrong drink and “falls off the wagon.” I think of this episode often when at a social gathering where booze is present because the risk is so real.
Mocktail Security Protocol
There are a few rules I learned in recovery about the unguarded moment. I go in aware of booze being around and often, I’ll bring my own soft drinks. No one is required to cater to my teetotalling. That way, I am sure what I’m drinking is alcohol free.
If you don’t bring your own drinks, guard your mocktail with your life. I don’t let my drink leave my hand and if I do, I watch it like a hawk. If for some reason I’m going to drop my drink and leave it outside of sight, I get a new one. It’s far better to be wasteful than to get wasted.
My wife is a normal drinker so if I’m concerned about drenched food, I ask her to try it first. If I have a concern about a punch bowl, I ask her to take a sip. I’m grateful to have that support. The best guide is, if you are not sure, avoid it.
Outside of controlled situations, like at a restaurant, there is so much margin for error. You have to go into each situation thinking you could get alcohol slipped into your drink. And you never know when someone wants to squirt something in your mouth.
Did I just write that? Okay, that sounded better in my head—but you know what I mean.
Your Turn
How about you? How do you stay on guard in social situations? Have you ever had a meatball moment like my friend? Did you “fall off the wagon?” I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments. They will help the new guy or gal.