The Booze Stopped Working

And That’s When the Real Work Began

I used to think that alcohol made me better. I looked at my own personality, shyness and anxieties as something that prevented me from being my best self in public.

Alcohol felt like the thing that got me through. Until it didn’t. Eventually, it just made me an asshole.

I thought a lot about what Marcy R said on this week’s podcast. If you have not listened, here’s the link. It’s a banger. Marcy discussed how the booze helped her slow her mind down enough to talk to people, helping her to overcome her shyness. She was not aware she had ADHD as an adult and knew no other way to overcome her introversion, so in her mind, alcohol was the magic elixir. If it ever did work, for Marcy, the day came when it’s powers fizzled out.

Talking to Marcy really made me think about my own story because there was so much to relate to. We both were diagnosed with ADHD late. We both had kids with ADHD. We both were introverts who had difficulty connecting with others.

There was so much I did not know about myself. Maybe if I had all these answers, alcohol would not need to be something I needed to get through social situations. But if I’m being really honest—that’s not true. There was so much work I had to do on myself to have the fog lift so I could really see what was happening.

I’m an introvert with social anxiety. Social situations? They baffle me. I’m in public and talking to someone one on one and I have no idea what to say to them! I’m lost! ADHD does not help because I start this process of overthinking and then I shut down. I never thought that alcohol slows my mind down until Marcy said something.

ADHD, especially when I was young, was looked at as an issue of hyperactive kids who lashed out and disrupted situations. What was not really known, at the time, is that there is another version where thoughts lead inward. So when your thoughts are internalized, you lash out at yourself, not others. You don’t get diagnosed at all.

This led me to think I had hearing problems because in social situations, it was so hard to hear. I thought I had hearing issues. I was hearing everything at once—so I couldn’t understand anything. With that low rumble going on, why even bother going out? I was terrified of people to begin with, it was hard for me to make conversation and then it was hard to hear someone if I made a connection because I could not distinguish all the voices.

You know what made it easier? Alcohol! It slowed things down. Even if I felt like vegging out in public, at least I had my bottle to make me feel better.

So the idea of quitting alcohol was an impossible idea. How could I socialize if I did not have my bridge to others?

The answer was that there was a better way. I had to learn about myself. What my strengths were. What were my defects? How to live a sober life and thrive in the world, not just manage. For that I needed a program and the 12 steps got me there. By clearing the fog it gave me a chance to then listen to my doctor about my health and to be an advocate of myself.

And I’m learning to be okay knowing I’ll never be a finished product—and that’s not a failure. It’s just being human.

If you’ve ever hit that moment—where the booze stopped working and the truth started knocking—I want to hear your story.

What did you do next? What helped? What didn’t?

Hit reply, or share your story in the comments. You never know who it might help.

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