When Life Gets Chaotic, Stay Sober Anyway

Tools for Navigating Stress, Family Crises, and Unexpected Challenges Without Picking Up a Drink

Photo by Kloud Walker on Unsplash

Chaos doesn’t just stop because we’re sober. In fact, it often shows up in ways that test every tool we have in our recovery tool box. You know what would make my life even more chaotic? Having a drink. That will make things really go off the rails.

I thought sobriety would mean everyday would be sunshine and unicorns. I didn’t think it would be chaos. Am I doing something wrong?

If you are feeling like I am feeling right now, no you are not doing anything wrong. To skip to the end of the story, being sober does not mean that your life will be perfect. It means that when bad stuff happens, you’ll have the tools to get through it without having to drink. That is a huge gift recovery gives us.

On Sunday, my 12 year old daughter caught the leg of another player and sprained her ankle. She’s been hobbling around since. My wife woke up Monday morning with severe vertigo. I took her into urgent care to be treated. She’s ok, but she remains very dizzy and can’t drive safely. The kids have doctor’s appointments and other things so I’m a one man uber.

In the past, that kind of week would have driven me to a drink. Today things are different. It’s not because life is easier, it’s because I have tools to navigate life without alcohol. The first tool is acceptance and this is an important one for me. I have to accept what I can’t control.

How does acceptance help with this situation? It certainly helps me not build resentments. It would be easy in the past to resent my daughter and my wife. Why did they get into this situation and ruin my day? They did nothing wrong, but in the past, when I was drinking, I would have placed blame on them for the inconvenience they caused me.

I can accept that things happen like this. People get sick and they get hurt. What would they do if I got sick? I would want them to take care of me and provide me comfort. I would not want to feel like a burden and I would want them to tell me I was not. That’s what I can do for them. I can tell them that it’s ok and it’s my privilege to care for them. There won’t be as much time for things that I want to do, but that’s ok too. I’m being of service to them. I’m blessed with a family that I have the responsibility to care for. Those are the moments that mean the most to those receiving care and it always makes me feel better to care for others.

I can be grateful. So what’s there to be grateful for in all this? I have a family that cares for me. People get hurt and sick and I’m healthy enough to care for them. And I’ve been a good enough dad and husband that they allow and trust me enough to care for them. I have a job that allows me flexibility so I can drop everything and take people to the doctor or get their medicine from the pharmacy.

I’m pretty grateful it happened this week. I don’t have a lot going on at work so if it is a situation where I have to duck out, I’m not going to miss much and not going to put a burden on my peers.

Thank God it’s spring! There is no ice. What if this happened in winter and the stairs were icy outside my home. My wife would land on her backside, easily. That’s one issue I don’t have to worry about and there is no risk for her compounding the situation.

Sobriety doesn’t promise peace or perfection. It offers something better. It offers the strength to show up, the tools to stay grounded and the grace to get through anything, all without picking up a drink. Some days will be hard. But they don’t have to break you. With the right tools and mindset, you can stay sober and feel proud doing it.