11 Years Sober: What Continuous Sobriety Taught Me About Courage, Vulnerability, and New Beginnings
Finding strength in others’ journeys while navigating my own path to sobriety
On Friday, March 21st, I celebrated 11 years sober. I mention this not because I’m looking for a high five, but because I want to show the new person that if I can do it, you can at least do 24 hours.
I think most people define their sobriety date based on their first day without alcohol. That’s not how I chose my day. Mine marks the last time I had a drink. I believe people track it both ways. What matters is the continuous sobriety that follows.
The Last Drink
On March 21, 2014, we brought my youngest, Addison, home from the hospital. Her birthday was March 19th. My father-in-law brought a bottle of white wine over, and I proceeded to down nearly all of it. Looking at the bottle and seeing I had almost cleared it, I stopped. I didn’t want to be accused of drinking a whole bottle by myself, in case anyone else wanted some. After all, I left a sip.
It’s the last time I ever drank alcohol.
At this point, I didn’t have the goal of staying sober. For whatever reason, I just stopped drinking. I had thoughts of picking up liquor at the package store, but my hands on the car steering wheel turned the other way.
The Moment of Recognition
This dry period continued for a few weeks until I was watching an episode of “Separated at Birth.” One of the main characters, played by Constance Marie1, was in recovery. She finds herself in a situation where she’s around alcohol, and her face shows she’s not making a wise choice as she brings a glass of wine to her mouth. She takes a sip, and everything in her expression changes.
Seeing her reaction made me realize I had a problem. It mirrored exactly what I thought and felt when drinking.2
It took another month or so to attend my first meeting. My therapist suggested it. I had no interest in AA. That’s where people at the end of the line go, I thought—old, dirty men sitting in a church basement with a lone incandescent lightbulb swinging above these guys, who were only wearing trench coats.
I was wrong about this perception. It’s just people like me.
Why Share My Anniversary?
Why am I writing about my anniversary? I do so because it might help someone else. Maybe it reminds you of when you got sober. Maybe you’re thinking about your drinking and need to hear from someone with a similar experience to see if you have a problem.
I share my sobriety date to be helpful to others. I love seeing people getting chips. It inspires me to see those big numbers. I love watching people who have fewer years than me accumulate time.
Finding Inspiration in Others
What inspires me the most are the people getting their monthly coins. Those are the people really new to sobriety. Month by month, I see them getting better and healthier, often before they see it themselves.
Picking up a 24-hour chip is the most moving. It takes incredible vulnerability to make that first step of saying, “I have a problem and am willing to do something different.” It’s a declaration, and it must be scary.
Most of the people I see getting a 24-hour chip are people who have relapsed. Those are the people who inspire me the most. To know you have a problem, pick up again, then stop and announce to the group what you’ve done—I don’t know if I would have the courage to do that. I’ve decided it’s easier to stay sober than to test this out.
Join the Conversation
Steve and I talked about anniversaries on this week’s podcast. You can click here to check it out. It’s a banger.
I’d love for you to help the new person. What is your experience with anniversaries and chips? Why do you pick one up? Do you celebrate? Or do you keep it low key? Please put your comments below.
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https://thetvwatchtower.org/2013/06/07/constance-marie-talks-reginas-rocky-road-to-recovery-for-the-back-half-of-the-2nd-season-of-switched-at-birth/
I owe Constance Marie my sobriety. I hope I can thank her some day